Get Up and Get it Yourself!

Hey Kids.....What Time Is It?

If you said Lazy Daisy's weekly trip into the Valley of Humiliation then you were right! It's my weekly Weight Watchers meeting and once again I am abandoned by my friend who swore that we we see this thing through "Thick or Thin!"

So far I'm the thick and she is well on her way to thin.....Now I ask you does that seem fair? She is my "nutritional counselor, point counter, cheer leader and "butt kicker" and she's not even here!

Bear in mind that I'm not the kind of girl who enjoys doing anything by myself, much less willingly going into "Miss Chirpy's Palace of Positive Prattle" without a body guard. (For her protection, not mine!) Since neither one of us could afford my bail, she quickly heads me out the door in case of a likely verbal meltdown.

I went, I persisted, I endured. I lost no weight. There was no victory lap, no happy dance to the chairs, no recapping how many sticks of butter have been lost---just a quiet retreat into myself

"What is....is! It's a number! I'm not a one dimensional person defined by my weight," I declare to my inner self, visualizing The Helpful Hulk ripping the scale into nano bits of metal. (Who am I kidding? The scale is an instrument of the Devil, it lies, it cheats, it laughs in defiance to all my efforts. It whispers words like "only one person at a time please".)

I find my seat listening to the positive chatter of "the core" group......"How'd you do?"I'm asked by several friendly ladies who have endured my verbal outburst before. "I smile weakly, and lie through my teeth...."Ok, how bout you?" Not that I'm interested in hearing their reports...I just want the spotlight off me for the moment.

The meeting begins:

Spotlight on Chirpy who begins passing out paper plates....

ME: (Hopefully thinking this to myself and not audibly ) Oh good, at least I'll get fed.....this may not be so bad.

Chhirpy begins passing out plastic cutlery one piece at a time. I scan the room viewing various receipes that have been posted.

ME: Great, I bet it's a tasting party.....boy am I lucky, I'm starved!

Chirpy to me: Here you go! (passing me a plastic knife)

Me: Excuse me, this is a knife.

Chirpy: I know! We're just pretend eating.

Me: ( Pretend eating? #@*!##.........)

Chirpy then instructs us to write down "What do you want?" on the paper plate. She flips up a poster that reads, "Life is a Cafeteria". Since there are still several bewildered looks she explains further. A cafeteria is a restaurant in which the customers are served at a counter and carry their meals to tables. In ordered to be served you must get up and go get it yourself.

She then interjects a story about a immigrant to America that was hungry and came to a cafeteria. He sat down and waited to be served. No one came to take his order. Finally a lady with a tray laden with food sits down at his table. She explains to him that in order to get what he wants he must "Get up and get it yourself" and then be willing to pay the price.

So again, she encourages," What do you want?....what do you want to get from these meetings?" After a few minutes she begins to ask people to share what they wrote down on their paper plates. The answers are no surprise.

"To get into my hot pink outfit!" is one response.

"To get off my blood pressure medications," is another response.

"To gain new eating patterns and be healthy", is the answer Chirpy has been waiting to hear.

After each response Chirpy asks "What do you need to do in order to reach that goal?"

After the person has given their response she counters, "Can you do that?"

Followed by the real kicker....."Will you do that?"

If the participant has answered all the questions toChirpy's satisfaction she gleefully gives them Monopoly money followed by clapping and "Atta Boys".

Finding time on her hands and no one else volunteering,Chirpy turns to me and asks?, "What do you want?" "What did you write on your paper plate?"

"What? "I think," is she sucidal?" " Doesn't she know never to ask me a direct question? This has got to be a set up."

"What do you want?" she teases.

"I want to be Miss Magnolia" I confess to the laughter of everyone there. (Miss Magnolia has lost 101 pounds and attends the meetings weekly as a life time member.)

An inspired Chirpy runs over to Miss Magnolia and whispers something in her ear. Turning back to me she says, " Miss Magnolia has some advice for you from both of us."

With a twinkle in her eye, Miss Magnolia smiles sweetly and says to me, "Get up and get it yourself!" The room breaks into howls of laughter.

(Looking back over this post, which I truly meant to be amusing, Chirpy looks mean and petty. That really wasn't my point. What followed was an honest conversation about what I needed to do or change to reach my goal. Please remember I am quite outspoken and have a "bad reputation for being outrageous ". Let me assure you I can take it as well as dish it out.)

........maybe it didn't happen exactly that way but it did "to my weigh of thinking." Posted by Lazy Daisy at 2:45 PM 9 comments

Inside me lives a skinny woman crying to get out. But I can usually shut her up with cookies.
(Unknown)
Posted by Lazy Daisy at 5:44 PM 3 comments

Saturday, February 04, 2006

The Agony and the Ecstasy!

Well, my continuing Love/Hate relationship with Weight Watchers is still intact. They seem to be the organization that I love to hate.

I've been attending WW for over a month now. The big hurry up and join, "First of the Year Rush" is over. I've successfully lived through the outpouring of the masses in their annual rush of guilt and resolution. Many have come and many have gone.....Now its just the "hard core"people that remain.

I'm starting to get a reputation as one of the embittered "Hard Core Skeptics. " After my tirade of last week, poor "scale lady" doesn't know where to look during my weigh-in. She is afraid to not look me in the eye if I've gained weight. Now trying to read her reaction is like trying to decide if the Mona Lisa has M & M's in her mouth or had just taken a quick drag off a cigarette and is waiting to exhale.... So I ask you is Mona blowing smoke or reeling over chocolate ? ( Which vice do you think she's concealing?) But then I digress...)

It's been a physically challenging week. I haven't been exercising but have been moving 30 and 40 pound boxes all week. I've also been "dancing" to some tunes during this task trying to get up the energy and motivation to move more boxes. Will the scale testify to my faithfulness or will my body decided to hang on to every fat cell?

Have you ever been in or watched a weight watcher weigh-in? I like to refer to it "as the death march to the scales!" There's a line up (no matter how early you get there or how late!) There's a ritual.....Never taught but simply caught!

It begin about an hour before you actually have to leave for the meeting. It starts with this faint feeling of dread, builds to apprehension and, by the time you enter the building, has crescendoed into full fledged anxiety. You quickly look around the room for a familiar face just in case you need comfort or counseling after the experience.

The lineup to the scale begins. There you stand with all the other "usual suspects" trying to calm yourself, nervously confessing any dietary transgression to your "neighbor" should the verdict go against you.

You wait in front of the display of WW foods, cook books, and other dietary aids as you slowly progress to the scale. Flashbacks and regrets start to bombard your brain. You begin to replay your week with focus on the food issues. Your breathing becomes quicker as you slowly inch your way to the scale. The "If Only's" start flashing through your memory bank. "If only" I had eaten the veggie dip instead of the triple fudge brownie cake. "If Only" I had had brown rice instead of three helpings of macaroni and cheese. " If Only" I were 7 feet tall. "

By the time you reach "scale lady" you have already run to the bathroom two times, shed your shoes, purse, coat, jewelry, literature, said many prayers, made many mental promises , and started making up excuses in your head.

Then it's your turn. You sum up all your strength and step on the"lying monster" and await your fate. You never see the numbers (only the scale lady knows for sure and I don't think she's a particular fan of mine!) she silently jots them down on your booklet and hands them back to you.

Then the recriminations or exaltation begin. Amazing isn't it.....In one instant all our egos, values, gifts, talents, strengths, creativity and very essence are boiled down to a number. If the number is lower......Say 3.4 pounds lower (Yes I am bragging....Down 12 pounds now) then call me totally repulsive as I do the victory lap to the awaiting chairs.

Some women skip the scale and go straight for a chair. They "claim their chair" like a divine right. "I claim this chair for "Hi, My Name Is:" Did I tell you that we have name tags?......but then that's another story for another time. Posted by Lazy Daisy at 2:09 PM 13 comments